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I look at all the posts about leaving 4H and ROD goodbyes and I feel so numb. I've spent a big part of the time worrying about other's judgement, about results and studies, about being the perfect daughter, that I've completely forgotten about listening to others. Now that time is running short and there's no repeat, I regret.

I regret not having been a better friend, a better platoon mate or a better specialist.

I wish I could have been better.

AM VERY GUAIZ ONE OK~

IT'S 3.20PM AND I'M ALR HOME.

Been surfing the web and found many interesting (which includes reactions of shock, surprise, mockery, embarrassed and funny).

1. Yogurt 的中文名字是“酸奶”。bee_living

I NEVER KNEW OK. Either way, dont you think it sounds strange and funny at the same time? Imagine going into a convenience store and asking for “酸奶”。I dont have a discrimination against chinese words but this... is just weird.

2. "有人看到我，一眼就看得出， 我不是本地人，问说：“是新加坡人还是马来西亚人吧？”。
我很惊讶，我已经尽量掩饰口音上的不同，也不多话。
我笑问，是怎么被发现的？
她说：“因为中国人比较好看。”" bee_living

I guess I can count with my hands the number of people who agree with this statement! Maybe they're pretty (since the paragraph continues to speak of their lovely skin) but under my definition of beauty, the number of China citizens who are considered pretty are not much. However, those who have exercised considerable courage, determination, emotional resilience, friendliness and respect are definitely present.

There is no discrimination of nationality intended. It's purely an innocent and restricted judgement on my part.

3. "I HOPE EVERYONE OF YOU SCORE BADLY TOO!!!!
Just like how I hope everybody would become fat pigs so I would be the only non-obese one,
which makes me slim due to perception change!
HOHO.
Wouldn't it be nice?
Call me a selfish bitch (like Daryl always does) or whatever,
but don't you secretly feel this way toooooo?
search your inner self -
reach deeeeeeep into your bloody heart with those dirty, unmanicured fingers.
c'mon, yknw you're on my side!"

-Daphne

No it wont be nice and I definitely do not think that wn if I reach deep into my bloody heart). Hoping people are stupid wont make you any smarter. Such a sweeping and perception-based statement makes you sound juvenile and ridiculous. So, my response is: Dont be lame. You're not cute.

4. I JUST COULDNT HELP IT.

I hardly see someone so OK with being so bitchy.

Some people just dont consider that people find them sexy because they reveal too much.

5. Tuition teacher (TT); me

TT: So, how was your results?

me: ok loh. I failed my chinese.

TT: haiz, how about your math?

me: A1

TT: yeah this paper seemed easy; my other student also got A1.

how about your sciences?

me: I got B3 for chem.

TT: huh so bad?

me: uhhhhhh.. yeah.

(Y)(Y)(Y)

To begin with, that was my brother's tuition teacher.

***

I keep forgetting that exams are over and holidays are coming~

"my future is undefined"

Danielle Kiemel

She's chronically ill and has to undergo treatment daily, which causes her pain. However, she's really cool! She takes a picture of her life everyday and post them on her blog because to her, "every moment is precious". A few days ago, it struck me that we're all going to die (not talking about 2012) someway or another. Like Danielle's, all our futures are undefined. We just never really know the limitations of time before death is imminent. The funniest thing is that we know that we're flawed this way but none of us know it enough to change.

I have been sleeping past 11pm lately; such a horrid habit I'm cultivating. To be really fair, I've been up preparing ROD presents, Delta presents and 4H farewell presents OK. I'm planning to get something really simple yet sincere! Heh.

To NCC09: Thanks like mad for all your lovely presents! They were really creative and majorly cute. I like the way y'll sort of standardised all the presents (they look similiar).

To Charlie09: ROD was amazing! Good job xmuch! The MCs were gaying with each other on stage loh~ But I like the partB dance+scare Qixin+dinner a lot!

To Delta09: Needless to say further, y'll are love forever.

To Bravo09: Continue to shine ok! I'm sure you'd have great loads of fun from the time we step down to the time y'll prepare for spec course and finally to the time y'll ROD. It's going to be an amazing experience (one in a million) and those who'd matter the most in your NCC life are the ones right beside you now- your platoon mates! So treasure whatever time y'll have and continue to be shooting stars.

I LOOK DAMN DISGUSTING BUT SHUWEI LOOKS DARMNED CUTE HERE DONT YOU THINK DONT YOU THINK?! :D

I dont mean it in a literal sense.

I dont feel like I'm pale and wrinkly; or sick and weak. I dont feel experienced and wise. I dont think I've an old hubby or a family of kids. I dont think I'm at ease with myself and assured of my identity.

I feel trapped.

There's a million things I want to say or do but I never do so because of decorum.

We're told not to let ourselves lose too much. We're told to maintain our image. We're told to get the best in everything. We're told to make ourselves look slim and pretty. We're told to adhere to convention. We're told of how to exist, not how to live.

WHO DECIDED WHAT'S DECORUM ANYW? It doesnt make sense. We keep wanting to please others but what for? For friends? If they're defining who you should be, they're not really your friends I believe. For more money, better career, bigger house, faster car, more modern technology and more more? That's compromising your beliefs and opinions for stuffs that often deemed as morally unimportant. Then what for?

I was just reading Valerie's blog and I realise how much we have to hide. I realise everyone, including myself stick to convention. I try not to make mistakes, try not to waste my life away. I became obsessed with doing The Good. I realise I'm probably better but not happier.

I often get upset that I cannot say or do whatever I like and whenever I like without disturbing the balance of the decorum. Then I realise there are deeper reasons for not doing certain things. It may be sympathy, may be care or may be love. It could be a form of gratitude, it could be an act of kindness or an extension of compassion.

It's like how I dont tell my classmate that I dislike the way she's obsessed with competition, determined to win and gain attention. She disgusts me with her incessant behaviours of acting cute, following trends and short-termed crazes for different Japanese guys. And I never tell her that in her face because she's always had friendship issues, have been mistreated during her school days and have always been kind to me.

So, life's a roller coaster. It's filled with ups and downs. Yet, it's also an escalator. It's about moving upwards and forwards. Following decorum, I think, leads you downwards and backwards. It moulds you into a socially accepted person but it doesnt make you happier. So, it's probably only a matter of directions but your life story depends on it.

Holiday treaties:

1. Complete 50 books challenge on Facebook.

2. Learn roller blading

3. MORE TENNIS GAMES!

4. Redesign my blog, fb and twitter pages

5. Get an A in O levels chinese

6. Go go go shopping with Delta; outing with Disco; bbq with 4H

7. Do lots of CIP! (A)

I believe everyone in your life changes you in someway or the other.

They've made my life more beautiful.

LBBS

4H


Delta

After eoys and mmm, the euphoria hasnt sanked in. So far, I've surfed twitter and facebook, added multiple new friends like What The Flea, read the new Sophie Kinsella book I got (Twenties Girl from Lokhang, thanks like mad!), thought over how I'm going to spend the following days, chatted about psychology, surfed Inhabitant and youth.sg.

Check out these stuffs you can do for disaster relief victims! (they always sound so distant)

(taken from: www.youth.sg)

World Vision SingaporeWorld Vision Singapore is currently involved in relief works for Typhoon Morakot, Typhoon Ketsana (Ondoy) as well as the Sumatra quake, and is working on raising $6.58 million, US$2.5 million and US$2 million respectively for each cause.To contribute to the causes, go to World Vision Singapore’s website to donate to Typhoon Morakot, Typhoon Ketsana and the Sumatra quake.

Mercy Relief
Mercy Relief is currently collecting donations to go to the victims of Typhoon Ketsana and the Sumatra quake.

If you want to help, donations can be made in the form of cheques made to Mercy Relief (with “South Pacific Tropical Storm” or “Sumatra Quake Relief” written behind and sent to 160 Lorong 1 Toa Payoh #01-1568 Singapore 310160) and cash delivered at the same address, ATM transfer, credit card payments as well as through telephone at 1900 112 1010 for a $10 donation, and 1900 112 1050 for a $50 donation.

More details are available at www.mercyrelief.org.

Singapore Red Cross
The Singapore Red Cross (SRC) is appealing for donations to victims of Typhoon Ketsana in the Philippines until Oct 30. Walk-in donations can be made at the Red Cross House at 15 Penang Lane, or by cheque (to Singapore Red Cross Society) and by wireless bank transfer.

For more details, visit SRC’s website here.

SRC is also organising a charity screening of Haeundae - The Deadly Tsunami on Deepavali (Oct 17), 7.15pm at The Cathay. Tickets are $15 including GST, and proceeds go to victims of Typhoon Ketsana as well.

Get tickets at www.cathay.com.sg, from any Cathay cineplex or through phone booking at 6235 1155.

Straight to the Philippines
With a significant number of Filipinos in Singapore, naturally they would do something to aid their loved ones back home, many of whom have been affected. In the process, they are mobilising Singaporeans as well to contribute in various ways through enterprises that have started up here to help Filipinos ship goods home.

The Filipino Association in Singapore (FAS) is collecting donations at the following address:

A-Freight Cargo
304 Orchard Road
#03-19 Lucky Plaza

In addition, i-Remit Singapore will waive remittance charges for donations to the Philippine National Red Cross. Remittances to the Philippine National Red Cross may be sent through:

i-Remit Singapore304 Orchard Road#03-69 Lucky PlazaAnother remittance company, LBC will waive remittance charges for donations made to ABS-CBN Foundation, GMA Foundation, Philippine National Red Cross, and the National Disaster Coordinating Center. Remittances to these organisations may be sent through: LBC Singapore304 Orchard Road#04-77 Lucky Plaza

Shermaine's 12th Birthday.
(L)

The website which I got this is so paradoxical to our current situation. With the exams already starting, there's no way we can break our routine of waking up, mugging, eat, mugging, eat, mugging, sleep unless we are already prepared for the exams or prepared to see ourselves fail. :(